my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I look better un-naked...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
