32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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