I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
