So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
