Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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