this boner is exhausting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
