He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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