is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
