No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
