HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize