and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
