i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
