He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize