Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
