Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
