): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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