You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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