she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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