I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
