Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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