you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
