I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
