six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize