please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He better not be in your backpack
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
