ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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