Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
