The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its not stalking. its research.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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