Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
