Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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