Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
