you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You took a bar mat shot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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