Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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