I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
