I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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