Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
