drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize