Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
