tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
