is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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