He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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