so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
