i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
