Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
