Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
