Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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