just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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