no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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