I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
