Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
