I can text with my tongue
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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