halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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