So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
