The best revenge is premature balding
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
