my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
