hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
