What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
