I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
