how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
