My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize