Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
