I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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