So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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