hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
