I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
