My pussy is not your playground.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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