well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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