Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
