You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
