He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
