Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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