Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
