So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
