WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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