he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im holly from the hills drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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