Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
