And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
