Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
