i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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