So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
