dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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