The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
