just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize