At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
