hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
3 2 1 whiskey
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
