Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
