Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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