I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
