Im at strip club and am horny
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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