I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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