After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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