just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize