No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
