covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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